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Happy Buy Nothing Day!Well I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and are going out and not spending a dime. I'm staying home today while my family goes out to blow money on this and that. Course that's not the real reason, but it works too.
Right now, I'm with my Da's family up by Texarkana. They're all heading out to do chores and shop. I'm very thankful for that. It means I'll get plenty of time alone today. Have the house to myself to relax, write, sleep and play my autoharp. This makes me very happy.
I've been feeling a little bit worn by too many family members around. Hyper kids and talkative kin. Meanwhile, I just peace and quiet to wallow in self-misery.
Yeah, I'm feeling very much alone. I miss having my Ex-fiancee here to keep me company and go for walks. And just spend time experiencing new things. I've had my sister a wee bit and that's been great. Hannah is growing up and turning into a very intellient, kind young lady. And I'm thrilled with that, but I still wish I had a woman to snuzzle with.
I was talking with a friend the other day who was impressed with my strength of will and character that she's been learning about from journal. Well, don't read too much into it. It's not true. I'm just as weak and pathetic as the next person. If not, more so.
I'm a dreamer, an escapist. That's one of the reasons I love faire, it takes me away from the "real world". Right now, I'm just a lonely man, who's longing to snuzzle up to a woman's warm and naked bosom and fall asleep. To wake up and make love to the wee hours of the morning and then to sleep till noon on her breasts. Warmed by each other's body and a raging fireplace.
While I may stand out in some ways, I'm really no different than the next lonely person. If anything, I'm feeling even more lonely, and worse, I feel like I'm unable to communicate that information. I feel like I have no one I can really tell that to. That's the worse crime of all, when I can't share.
I'm here with family, yet at the same time, I feel like my main family is not here. And there's nothing I can do about it. It's like she's dead. And I'm all alone again. So for now, I'll just sit here lonely and depressed, wallowing in self-pity. And maybe with a little music and a lot more writing, maybe I'll find my peace...for a while, at least. Until then, I am nameless and alone. And it's a sorrowful place to be.
Posted by Marc Gunn on Friday, November 29, 2002 |
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Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers
