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Learn to Live with Yourself FirstAh, Thanksgiving is almost here! I need the vacation...I need the sleep. These past couple weeks have been exhausting. I'm not sleeping enough. I can't wait to catch up on it over the next couple days before I get back into my regular routine of sleep deprivation. (Is this a common theme with me?)
Well I was talking with a friend today. And we got to talking about the 24-hour challenge. That's where you can spend 24-hours with someone and not strangle them. It's a good sign in a relationship.
But it occured to me that a successful relationship is more than just that. To me, it's not just the ability to spend time with someone. It's the ability to spend time alone when you ARE with someone.
One of the best examples of this was my mom's parents. I'm sure I see their relationship with colored lenses, but I have a very clear image of them quietly going through their lives. My Grandma would make dinner, clean and what not. My Grandad would work in the garden, do repairs and what not. In the evening, they'd sit down in the living room. She would read. He would play solitaire. They didn't talk much that I remember. But they were together even though they were doing separate things.
Okay, I might not want quite as much apart time as they seemed to have, but at the same time, I do realize that that time is important. I wish in my past relationship that we had had more such time where I could work on my music, and my Ex could work on her art. I think, in such a situation, I will be better able to find my personal quiet time alone, while still enjoying a loving relationship.
Unfortunately, too often, I find myself giving into My desire to constantly be there for her. Denying myself to please someone else. That's wrong.
I remember many years ago, Andrew was in a very dysfunctional relationship. And he made a comment that made me think, "Holy crap, something's wrong!".
About the girl he was dating, "She's my greatest joy and my greatest sorrow!"
And while I can think about that and laugh, it's not too far off from me sacrificing my personal values, thoughts and feelings for someone else. Hell, in some ways, it's only now that I realize what I like, as opposed to what she liked. I fell into a trap, where she was my conscience and desire. And I think vice versa. Consequently, it got to a point where we had no opinions. We just swayed with the wind.
So now, I'm making a conscious effort to establish my feelings and opinions as my own. I'm almost too happy to give my opinion first to someone just so they don't have an opportunity to influence my decision.
Yeah, I guess it's kinda weak and pathetic. But hey, I'm only human!
Posted by Marc Gunn on Wednesday, November 27, 2002 |
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Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers
