A Bard's Real World Blog
Journal, Blog, News, and Diary

College Women, the Lasses Are Back!
What a wonderful drive to work today. Listening to French Lessons dreaming about Livarot cheese and drinking Calvados. In my rear view mirror, I saw beautiful bronze college woman and her beau necking in the truck behind me with a huge Lab watching on. The passion and enthusiasm was such that I could almost hear them talking. Obviously, someone got some last night. ;)

It got me almost wishing I had a steady relationship here in Austin, but then the realist in me kicks in and I realize I wouldn't have time for one. A long-distance relationship is the best I can hope for right now.

Course, I still have my own issues to get over. The other day a friend made a sarcastic comment about me being co-dependent. And as independent as I am these days, it's true. I often wonder how I would be in a committed full-time close relationship. Right now, my mind longs for a lot of freedom. It is also fairly spacey. So maintaining the constant attention that a relationship...requires (?), makes me a wee bit hesitant. It's not that I don't think I can do it. I just am not sure how.

The other night another friend and I were chatting and somehow the question of kids arose. I would love to have kids one day. But those same issues above sometimes worry me. How will I react with kids yearning for my attention? Plus a wife? I'm fairly guarded about my time as it is.

I'm not sure where the co-dependency arose. Perhaps it's related to my own parental divorce many years ago. But I actually more wonder if it's just a product of my teen years. I didn't date at all. I was wayyyy too uncomfortable with myself and how I should react around women. Seems the few women I was interested in rejected me, and left me self-conscious. So when I did at last get a girlfriend, I showered her with affection.

I think I'm good at that. My last long relationship was very much like that. I think that's one of the reasons we did so well together. I'm very loving when it comes time to be loving or when romancing someone. But on the flip side, when I'm not in that mode, I can be very distant. The big trouble is that that lovingness which may endure, kinda sets a bad precedent for my own mental distancing which may not be as visible in a relationship. It leaves me trying to feel romantic all the time. For the short-term it works great, but I'm afraid it leaves a false impression about me.

It's definitely one of the challenges I face for the future. For better or worse. But for now, at least, I am single. And I can slow work on my deficiencies with time...and cheese...and coffee...and all sorts of Wonderful vices.

Livarot Cheese, Calvados, and Returning to Italy
I can't wait to indulge my lasses this Winter. I'm hoping to return to Italy. Not yet sure if I'll have the money or time to take off, but Man, I am hoping.

Last year, I went and was overjoyed to see my mother and Italian family in new settings. Now my mom has her own wee Italian villa...my own home in Italy. I CALL DIBS!

This year, I want to go back and leave the car, ride the train, walk the countryside, maybe fly in through France. Keep thinking about bringing a friend, but for now, I think it'll just be me, myself, and I. Plus a nice journal to record my adventures.

I'm pretty pleased with last year, I did a decent job keeping track of things. I can't wait for this year! Pick up my autoharp, camera, journal, and just go. Well, let's see if I can raise the money. Maybe that's what I can do. Setup a Travel To Italy Fund. Hmm? Oh those ideas just never quiet themselves. Ah well! Slainte!

Snicker, snicker
Shortly after writing this I was pillaging the beginning of the semester freebies. I got a fortune cookie that read, "Your mentality is alert, practical and analytical." My friend and I read and busted up laughing!

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Well if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer those as well.