A Bard's Real World Blog
Journal, Blog, News, and Diary

Subconscience desire to be miserable

I can't help, but wonder if I have such a subscience desire. Feeling very depressed. My guess is it has to do with me fighting a sinus infection, but I'm not sure.

I'm finding myself very lonely right now. Last night, I was even considering getting a roommate at long last. It'll save me some money, and I'll also have built in company. But then, that sounds to me more like a fear of being alone.

Trouble is that I spend every day in solitude. I chat online occasionally, but for the most part. I try to walk at lunch and whatnot. Even tried to change things up today. But still just not clicking. I need to get out and meet more people methinks... or find a community to belong to.

But then other probs hit my mind. Dealing with the political b.s. of any community. Ugh! Je ne sais pas!?

I think I also left my scarf at my board meeting last night. That really sucks. Hopefully, I can recover it. I love that scarf, and it was a handmade gift from the Lady in Green. Shoot!

Well, tonight, I'll get a wee bit o'socialization. Really NEED some more interaction though. Gotta start forcing myself or something. Just tough to do without staying out every night and spending money on dinner EVERY night while food at home rots.

Maybe if I get outta the mindset that I HAVE to eat? That might help... Tired... and my mind is rambling too much. I'll stop here.

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Well if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer those as well.