I was trying to think this evening, what is it I love so much about Italy. Sure, there are the obvious answers, like It's ITALY! But that doesn't quite explain it all, especially knowing I'm co-dependent and that one my reasons is to escape.

I've been an escapist all my life. I can't think of a time when I wasn't. Hiding mayhaps from parental divorce? Maybe. Hiding from hurt? Probably.

I watch movies nearly every night as an escape from my life. And Italy, I think that's part of the fascination. When I think of Italy, I think of

peace
serenity
happiness
adventure
tastiness
joy
inspiration
magic
excitement
communion
being outdoors

And that's why I watch movies... to capture some of those feelings. I spend a lot of time trying to visually escape to Italy or whatever world they create instead of trying to create those traits in my current world.

Mind you, I find many of those same characteristics while playing music, but it's managing the day-to-day doldrums that is the tough part.

So after realizing my love of the smells of Italy, I started making a few more changes. I'm driving more with the window down. I leave open up the windows and porch doors to the great outdoors. I turned off my A/C tonight.

It occurred to me how dependent I am on air conditioning and yet I wouldn't be surprised if A/C was half the reason for my many sinus problems. Obviously, it doesn't help much. But as I read more and more about air quality, I find I'm probably better off without it. Plus, A/C seems to hide the smells that I've been craving.

You should see me, I was driving out on 360 tonight with my nose stuck out the window like a dog, trying to smell something. But there really wasn't anything to smell, it seemed. I made out nothing pleasing... to the nose at least.

To the skin, the window blowing fast on my arm, it was like a blessed massage. To my eyes, the dark night's sky, a few bold stars peaking through the light pollution, but out in the hill country looking back toward Austin, even that was visually pleasing.

When I'm Italy, I don't watch much TV. Sure I could in Italian. But I don't want to. My fondest memories are those sitting out on a porch of my Grandmas up in Belton or in the NE Texas pines. Playing in the woods as a child and spending a LOT of time down by the tiny creek catching crayfish, salamanders, frogs, snakes, and bass (now there's a story for ye). Or taking a walk with Bella in Italy... Or biking to the base. Selling flowers in the markets of Italy followed by a large lunch after coming home exhausted. And then passing out HARD for riposo.

There is something here that Italy doesn't have--friends.

I may not spend much time with friends except when we head off to our next faire, but my friends there are just my family. Though I must say, they are some spectacular friends.

Going to Italy and not having friends is not a totally pleasing thought. But I sure love the idea of writing more. Not having anything else to do, so I actually make more time to practice and write songs. It's a bit o'a creative haven for me. Inspiration is around every corner and fills me with joy. I can relax and not have any worries.

Here, I have to deal with them. If I moved to Italy tomorrow, I'd still have to deal with the worries. My lifestyle would probably change methinks, but the worries would be there I imagine. Just more pleasurable.

And that's the thing. I look around my apartment, and I'm bored with it. It's un-stimulating except when I put in my next DVD. But that can change too. I've never really christened this home to be own. I may not have enough time to take care of as many plants as I'd like to decorate this home, but I can decorate my home with images that will fill me with joy. I have a few, but I need more... a lot like those sweet kitty pictures that emailed me. Only it has to be something I pick. Things I want to see.

I have lots o'pictures. I just need to get them printed and framed to my heart's content.

Okay, I've rambled long enough.