Dear Diary, today I was eaten alive...

I was standing there with my wife Ellen peering through the trees when we saw them--a group of people trespassing on MY land! Holy sh*t! How dare they! I was ready for a major ass-kicking.

Ellen and I ran out of the bushes. Our 12-gage shotgunns were locked and loaded. "All right, you pieces of sh*t. You come on my land, you give me the right to kill you."

"Joe," said Ellen.

"Or maybe I"ll just beat you until --"

"Joe," she insisted.

"Ellen, I'm talking here."

"You need to be looking here."

I finally looked up and saw small group of the palest human-like creatures I'd ever seen. They looked human. But they were just too pale. They looked like living death. "Holy sh*t!" I yelled and drew my shotgun up to fire.

I heard a snap. I quickly moved my shotgun off towards the brush. There was nothing there. Then from out of the side of my eye I saw those ghasts move closer. I turned and shot the largest of them.

He didn't fall. There is no f**king way on earth he could survive a 12-gage in the chest. No way! The bastard didn't fall! He stumbled back a moment, looked down at his chest and then the whole lot of them were on top of us. I heard Ellen screaming, but I could do nothing with the ghouls rippping at my body and eating my flesh.

"My God! What on earth..." Then I died.


On the bright side, it sounded like the dead enjoyed a tasty meal. Kristen joined the folks eating my flesh. Blood dripping from their mouthes as I writhed in agony.

Ah. It may've been a six hour wait to shoot, but boy was it a good day. :)

So goes my first official day as a professional actor.