by Marc Gunn, July 19, 2008

I've been wanting to write another Firefly song for a long time. Today, I decided there was no stopping me, and it would be a drinking song. So I flipped on Jaynestown and watched it a couple times. As I stepped out the door to go grab a bite to eat, the lyrics flooded into me. So I came home and recorded the song.

(Won't you) Pour me a glass
Of Monahan's Mudders Milk
We'll wash the mud away.
If you poor me a glass
Of Monahan's Mudders Milk
We'll leave Higgins' damn Moon some day.

I was 12 years old
When my daddy brought me here
With two brothers who loved to laugh,
But 10-20 in this muddy hole
We lost the laughing muscle mold
And my brothers lost their lives to mudders gas.

My daddy raised one fist
To tell the boss he's pissed,
Another to the foreman on third shift,
But when he raised his shovel
To protest his low wage troubles
He was shot down and dumped in a muddy ditch.

Well mudden's all I know
Until I've 'nough to go
And take my own three boys far from here.
Maybe another place much worse
In this here cold Verse
Till then I drink my Monahan's for cheer.

Pour me, pour me, mudder, mudder, mudder me,
Mudder, mudder me my milk.
Poor me, mudder me, mudder, mudder marry me
Mudder marry me my milk.

by Diane Frost

In 2005, I received an email from a fan with lyrics parodying one of the songs performed by Brobdingnagian Bards called "The Lusty Young Smith". This one was a funny Star Wars parody called "The Lusty Young Sith". I loved the lyrics and saved them for that time in the future when I would sit down and record the parody... because that's what I do. It finally happened earlier this year when I started working on a new CD called What Color Is Your Dragon?. The album is now done. I'm happy to have this great filk included on the new CD.

A lusty young Sith by his ship stood a fighting,
His cowl thrown back and his saber aglow,
For to him a wholesome young Jedi came gliding
To struggle and fight and her skill for to show.

With a hum hum hum Hum hum hum
In and out In and out
Hum hum hum Hum hum hum
In and out In and out Ho!

"Your form," said the Sith, "well it is quite impressive."
The Jedi replied, "I've worked hard to be so."
Then they went back at it; the Sith was aggressive,
The Jedi returning each thrust blow for blow.

Her Master, she said, had grown tired and sour,
His strength in the Force faded out long ago.
The Sith retorted, "Well I'm quite thick with power,
"And I have much stamina, more than you know."

Red hot grew his saber through arduous labor;
The Jedi grew tired going at her foe.
It seemed at first Fate chose the Jedi to favor,
But soon she came gasping and thrashed to and fro.

Six times did his saber by vigorous thrusting
Thus force the young Jedi from high point to low,
But after a rest they fell back to it lusting,
And Sith each time thrusting recoiled more slow.

At last said the Jedi, in awe of his saber,
"What would I give could my Master do so!
"I ask you, young Sith, come spar here with me later,
"But do me one more round before you do go."

by Karen D. Mitchell

The cats we find are sometimes the sweetest cats on the planet in this parody of "May Morning Dew" from my CD, Whiskers in the Jar: Irish Songs for Cat Lovers.

One sunny June morning as I played in the grass,
I heard a loud meowing beneath my neighbor’s house.
When I peered into the darkness, my heart it pounced anew.
I found the friend I'd wished for in the orange kitten's mew.

I set him in a basket and showed him to my mom,
his wee head under his tail and small body so calm.
I said if I can keep him, there's nothing I won't do,
for my soul was enchanted by the orange kitten's mew.

Dad said we could only keep him 'till he found a new home.
Then the months scurried by; soon the kitten was full grown.
Each evening he and dad cuddled in the living room.
Dad had fallen under the spell of the orange kitten's mew.

Almost five years later, Tiger still brings us much joy,
crying for belly rubs and batting ‘round his toy.
The family is blessed to know a cat so loving and true.
Our lives were changed forever by the orange kitten’s mew.

by Lynn McKinney

This parody of the Scottish song "Henry Martin" tells the story of a cat who goes mousing on the high seas. It gets a little bloody when the cat finds a rat on this latest song on my CD, Whiskers in the Jar: Irish Songs for Cat Lovers.

There were three cat brothers in merry Scotland;
In merry Scotland there were three.
And they did cast lots which of them should go, Should go, should go
And turn mouser all on the salt sea.

The lot it fell first upon Kitty Martin,
The fiercest of all of the three.
That he should turn mouser all on the salt sea, Salt sea, salt sea
To maintain a fine vessel rat-free.

He had not been sailing but a long winter's night
And part of a short winter's day,
Before he espied a large fat grey rat, Fat grey rat, fat grey rat
Come creeping down at him straight way.

"Meow! Meow!" Cried Kitty Martin;
"What makes you slink so nigh?"
"I'm a poor rodent bound for that sack of grain, Sack of grain, sack of grain.
Will you please for to let me pass by?"

"Meow! Meow!" Cried Kitty Martin;
"That thing it never could be!
For I am turned mouser all on the salt sea, Salt sea, salt sea
To maintain a fine vessel rat-free.

"Come, lower your pink tail and write up your will,
And bring yourself over to me;
For I will chase you and your cousins all, Cousins all, cousins all,
Your dead bodies I'll eat with my tea."

"Oh no! I won't lower my slender pink tail,
Nor bring myself over to thee!
And you shan't take from me my dear rodent life, Rodent life, rodent life
Nor force me to jump in the sea."

With tooth, claw, and squealing, hard at it they went,
For fully two hours or three,
Till Kitty Martin gave to him the death bite, The death bite, the death bite,
And straight down the gullet went he.

Bad news, bad news to rat cousins came;
Bad news to rats soon came 'round.
"There's been a poor rodent and he's passed away,
Passed away, passed away!
And now the cat runs us aground."

by Matt McGinn

This song by Scottish songwriter, Matt McGinn, is a a classic story of an old woman and her cat. It's known in Scotland as "The Dundee Cat" and it's on my CD Whiskers in the Jar: Irish Songs for Cat Loversc.

In an attic flat in Dundee town,
A poor old woman spread the tale around
That she lived all her life in her old top flat
With no company but her old tom cat

Fifty years in a wee top flat
The poor old woman and her old tom cat

Now one night they sat by the fire quite glum
When who do you think came down the lum (chimney)
I'm your fairy Godmother, so have no fear
To grant three wishes they sent me here

The old woman looked down at her empty purse
I could always use some cash of course
The fairy godmother waved her wand around
And lying on the floor was ten thousand pounds

Now a lovely figure and a face divine
For just one night I wish were mine
Says the fairy godmother, "I'll have a go!"
And she made her look like Marilyn Monroe.

This lovely girl by the fire she sat
She turned her attention to the old tom cat
He's my only love so here's my plan
Tonight please make him a handsome man

This handsome man at last drew near,
And he whispered softly in her ear.
The night is young but you'll regret
The day you took me to the vet...!!!

by Jean Prior, Nancy Pearsall, Marc Gunn

What happens when a bunch of cats hear that the dairy farm is on fire? It turn into a kitty free-for-all with cats flying from rafters and partying till the cows come home in this parody of "Old Dun Cow" from my CD, Whiskers in the Jar: Irish Songs for Cat Lovers.

Some friends and I in a milkman's truck
Were eating catnip one night
When into the truck a tomcat jumped
His scraggly face gone white.
"What's up", says Tom, "Have you seen a dog,
Or has our milkman retired?"
"Milkman retired? Fft hiss!", says he,
"The dairy farms' on fire!"

And there were toms stretched up and down
Lappin' up the milk on the floor.
"My Cream, Cream!" the farmer cried
As he came knockin' on the door (clap clap)
Oh don't let him in till it's all lapped up
Then somebody shouted Mreow! MREOW!
And we all drank milk till the cows came home
When the dairy farm caught fire.

"Mew," says Tom, "What a bit of luck!
Everybody follow me
And it's out to the barn
If the fire's there
Then we'll have milk for free."
We chased Tom down nipping his heels
Then into the milk pond flipped
And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more
Till we were all quite 'nipped.

Percy sauntered over to a water pail
And pawed at it as he gagged (cough cough)
Started takin' off his flea collar
Likewise his rabies tags.
"Hold on, " says Tom, "that ain't allowed
Ya can't do that thing here.
Why go washing your tags in the wat'ring trough
When milk's coming out our ears?"

Then there came from the old barn door
A collie from across the street
And when he saw three hundred cats
He took a ringside seat
He nipped at tails in good clean fun
Splashed milk on a cat or three
And just to show there was no harm done,
He licked their whiskers clean.

And then there came a mighty splash
Fur flew to and fro
Leaping from the rafters' flames
Into the pails below.
"Well, we're safe here," a Persian mewed
Paddling in the foam,
"This here's a bath I'd get used to
They won't believe back home!"

When the sun came up, the fire was out
We rolled across the floor
The barn was burned. The milk was drunk.
There wasn't any more.
Tom stretched his legs, said, "Good job, lads!"
Raised his tail up higher,
"There's dairies all along this road.
Let's set them all on fire!"