by Marc Gunn, 1993

It was so long ago, I can only imagine I had bought a box of Oreos and was dunking them in milk while watching Ferris Bueller. But who knows where this parody idea came from.

It's an Oreo cookie, now (Oreo cookie)
Should I twist or dunk? (twist or dunk)
C'mon, c'mon where's my glass of milk now? (where's my milk)
Don't tell me that it's drunk. (don't say it's drunk)

I like to eat the middle out (eat the middle)
And bite it all around (bit all around)
Don't even try to dunk it, now (don't try to dunk it)
Don't want the Oreo to drown (don't let it drown)

Hey, it's getting soggy, now (getting soggy)
You see you dunked too long (dunked it too long)
I don't want to eat it now (don't want to eat it)
Don't you know that that's wrong (so very wrong)

Who drank all the milk, right now? (who drank the milk)
Now my mouth's so dry. (my mouth is dry)
I got no milk for my Oreos (got no milk)
Now it feels like I could die. (feels like I'll die)

Twist it, twist it, twist the Oreo, now (twist the Oreo)
Twist it, twist it, twist the Oreo, now (twist the Oreo)
Twist it, twist it, twist the Oreo, now (twist the Oreo)
Ahhhhhhhhhh(low) Ahhhhhhhhhh(higher) Ahhhhhhhhhh(higher) Ahhhhhhhhhhh(high)


Ahhhhhhhhhh(low) Ahhhhhhhhhh(higher) Ahhhhhhhhhh(higher) Ahhhhhhhhhhh(high)


Eat your Oreo cookie, now (Oreo cookie)
Should I twist or dunk? (twist or dunk)
C'mon, c'mon, where's my glass of milk now? (where's my milk?)
Don't tell me that it's drunk (don't say it's drunk)

You know you twist your Oreo, (twist your Oreo)
You know you twist it so fine. (twist so fine)
Come on and twist before you dunk, right now, (twist before you dunk)
But get your own these are mine. (get your own)

Twist it, twist it, twist the Oreo, now (twist the Oreo)
Twist it, twist it, twist the Oreo, now (twist the Oreo)
Twist it, twist it, twist the Oreo, now (twist the Oreo)
Ahhhhhhhhhh(low) Ahhhhhhhhhh(higher) Ahhhhhhhhhh(higher) Ahhhhhhhhhhh(high)

by Marc Gunn, 1993

I was digging through a bunch of old lyrics and poetry I wrote from many moons ago, and I found this parody of "The Wanderer" by Dion. It was written in '93, and it's still relevant today. Times don't change that much, huh?

I'm the type of guy
Who's transferred all around.
I never talk to one office.
They forward me around

And when I think I've finally
Found someone to talk to,
They transfer me away
Then I'm talking to the zoo.

Yeah, I'm a phone caller
Oh yeah, a phone caller
I call around, around, around.

Well, I phone a business in town.
I try to stop the transfers around.
But they don't wanna help me out.
Yeah, they put me on hold
And transfer me to Senora Espinol

Yeah, I'm the type of guy
Who only reaches clowns.
I'm passed from phone to phone
I'm transferred all around.

And when I finally find someone
Who can answer me,
They bitch about their problems,
When they're the problem, you see.


Well, I'm the type of guy
Who's transferred all around.
I never speak to one person
Like a whore I get around.

And when I think I've finally
Found someone of use
They say they'll take a message
Which they somehow seem to lose.

by Marc Gunn, Dec 5, 2007

Every year, I visit a house near the Louisiana Renaissance Festival and spend a few weeks. In the house lives a meowy black cat named Lil' Bit. This is the same home where I fell in love with Evan Williams bourbon. The Mews... I mean Muse struck while staying there.

You're standing by your car, and I don't know why you're leaving.
You don't want to go. That's plain to see.
And when our lips meet, I can see in your eyes we're conceiving.
But it'll take a lil' bit of time, before you come home to me.

A lil' drop of Bourbon down in Louisiana
A lil' drop of you lying a lil' too close to me.
And Lil' Bit's meowing to be let out of the bedroom
Cause with a lil' bit o'luck, you'll be lil' bit in love with me.

Remember last night when Colin walked into the restaurant?
You pulled me close as he proposed in broken Portuguese.
I know you think a movie, it ain't worth believin'.
Believe me when I tell you, you've Enchanted me.

It might seem kinda silly, but I carry my cellphone.
Everywhere I go I wait for that thang to ring.
And when I see your name, my heart skips a beat tenfold.
Cause I'm hoping you'll say, "you're the only one for me"

by M. Spaff Sumsion, 2008

Isn't it kinda funny how St. Patrick's Day is now synonymous with getting plastered on March 17th? What a shame! There's so much more to the Irish than getting drunk. Listen to the Irish and Celtic Music Podcast, and you'll know what I mean. Now in all historical honesty, St. Patrick probably did drink. Beer was often used to kill bacteria. But that doesn't mean that his song with lyrics by the great comedic lyricist Spaff are any less true. This is Irish satire at it's finest. Recorded for The FuMP and featured on Dr. Demento.

The 14th day of February's for Saint Valentine
September 29th is when Saint Michael's faithful dine
On April 23rd we hail Saint George without restraint
And come November 1st we cheer for EV'RY bloody saint

But none of those can claim the very BEST day of the year
'Cause on March 17th we praise the patron saint of BEER!

[Cheers: "Hail St Patrick!" "Slainte!" etc.]

But wait! Don't cheer for greenish beer or Irish cream liqueur
Be-cause the man you toast was one devout tee-to-tal-ER!

Saint Patrick never drank! (Hey!)
Saint Patrick never drank! (Hey!)
'Twas only clear, unleaded stuff he poured into his tank!
He'd take the cash YOU spend for drafts and stash it in the bank! (Hooray!)
Heroic, true, but STOIC too!
Saint Patrick never drank!

He strode with ancient war-ri-ors from coast to plain to highland
His staff he'd shake till ev'ry snake was banished from the island
He taught his fans the shamrock stands for Father, Son, and Spirit
But don't break out the Guinness Stout - the man would not go near it!

Saint Patrick didn't drink! (Hey!)
Saint Patrick didn't drink! (Hey!)
He never tossed a bracer back or teetered on the brink!
So pour another tall one, lad, then pour it down the sink! (Hooray!)
With piety, SOBRIETY!
Saint Patrick didn't drink!

Saint Patrick never drank (Hey!)
Saint Patrick never drank (Hey!)
So let's be frank: When asked his fav'rite beer, he drew a blank!
By gosh, if he could see you sloshed, he'd give your tush a spank! (Hooray!)
The guy was swell - but DRY AS HELL!
Saint Patrick never drank!

No, SAINT - PAT - RICK - NEV - ER - DRANK!

by Marc Gunn, Oct 16, 2008

I wanted a new song for my Elysium Space Madness show, and I wanted it to be about Star Trek. So I threw together this parody the night before the show. It's based on the song "A Drop of Nelson's Blood".

A drop of Vulcan blood wouldn't do us any harm
And we'll all hang on behind

We'll roll the old Enterprise along.
We'll roll the old Enterprise along.
We'll roll the old Enterprise along.
And we'll all hang on behind.

A plate of Gagh...

Neelix in the kitchen...

An order from Kirk...

A holodeck msytery...

An Orion slave girl...

A transwarp drive...

Delta Quandrant...

Seven of Nine...

A round on Quark...

Some Romulan ale...

If the Borg are in the way, we'll roll right over them.

by Marc Gunn, May 30, 2007

I'm not sure where my fascination with Samwise Gamgee of Lord of the Rings came from, but he is one of my favorite song subjects. He is a good-hearted loyal friend to Frodo. Without him, Frodo would never have succeeded. I recorded this song for my CD, What Color Is Your Dragon?.

I never guessed the kind of trouble that was waiting for me
When Old Bilbo took me in
He was an odd kind a hobbit, but I didn't care
He was family and my friend
But on our birthday
He gave me his ring
And then Gandalf got all sour
He told Samwise to aid me
In the destruction of the Ring of Power

Oh Samwise Gamgee was my best of friends
As loyal as a friend can be
He did so much more than gardening
He listened and took care of me.
And on Weathertop
When I was stabbed
By the Ring Wraith, I was frail
Sam was there by my side
Every moment in Rivendale

Somewhere in the dark shadows of Mount Doom
I guess I must have lost my mind
But Sam was there to carry me
Only friend's are so blind
Without him I fear
The Dark Lord would prevail
And Middle-Earth would fall
I'm thankful, Samwise. Cuz you taught me
A real friend will help when you need crawl.