by Marc Gunn, March 11, 2007

The idea for this song began three years ago at DragonCon. I went drinking with hobbits on Friday. By Sunday, I had no voice left (okay, it was actually the Con crude, but still...). Ever since then, I thought I should write a song about why you shouldn't go drinking with hobbits from Lord of the Rings. And maybe one day, I'll record a CD of hobbit drinking songs. It would be fun to do. From my CD What Color Is You Dragon?.

Don't go drinking with hobbits.
Sure you'll have a grand time all night long.
But if you're not used to drinking with hobbits,
You may not want to wake up at all.

They were thoughtful and kind when they invited me to drink,
A lone human among hobbitkind.
They bought me a half, then another and one more
And told stories of days long gone by.

The brew was strong. My glass never empty,
As if time stood still and bare.
But when I awoke the next morning
I felt like Old Smaug had been there.

You may wonder how it all happened.
Well, I'm still wondering what happened too.
I had tea, dinner, and supper.
Quite full, I thought I was through.

They insisted I come to the Flagon
And join in a toast to new friends.
But when I go there, I met more hobbit friends
And the toasts seemed never to end.

When the sun it rose the next morning,
And I lifted my head from the drool,
There were beer mugs spilled on the table
And hobbits lying next to their stools.

A young hobbit lass grinned cross the barroom
And nudged each of my new hobbit friends.
Then sometime after second breakfast
We all started drinking again.

I left Hobbiton a few days later.
My head was swollen and sore.
It felt like a dwarven anvil
After a terrible war.

I don't think I'll ever recover
From the food, the drink and the cheer.
Now I swear I'll never drink with hobbits again
At least, not till I see them next year.