by Marc Gunn, May 30, 2007

I'm not sure where my fascination with Samwise Gamgee of Lord of the Rings came from, but he is one of my favorite song subjects. He is a good-hearted loyal friend to Frodo. Without him, Frodo would never have succeeded. I recorded this song for my CD, What Color Is Your Dragon?.

I never guessed the kind of trouble that was waiting for me
When Old Bilbo took me in
He was an odd kind a hobbit, but I didn't care
He was family and my friend
But on our birthday
He gave me his ring
And then Gandalf got all sour
He told Samwise to aid me
In the destruction of the Ring of Power

Oh Samwise Gamgee was my best of friends
As loyal as a friend can be
He did so much more than gardening
He listened and took care of me.
And on Weathertop
When I was stabbed
By the Ring Wraith, I was frail
Sam was there by my side
Every moment in Rivendale

Somewhere in the dark shadows of Mount Doom
I guess I must have lost my mind
But Sam was there to carry me
Only friend's are so blind
Without him I fear
The Dark Lord would prevail
And Middle-Earth would fall
I'm thankful, Samwise. Cuz you taught me
A real friend will help when you need crawl.

by Michael Donley

"The Unicorn Song" was originally written by Shel Silverstein. It had a sad ending that I didn't like. So I convinced Andrew to change the ending. When the Brobdingnagian Bards recorded the song, it became one of our most-popular performances. That's when our friend Michael Donley filked it using the Lord of the Rings as the subject of his filk. I loved the parody and after many years, I finally recorded it for my CD, What Color Is Your Dragon?.

A long time ago, when Middle Earth was green
There were all kinds of monsters that you've never seen
They'd run around and slay to enforce the Dark Lord's rule
But the deadliest of all were the nine Nazgul

There were mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
Some worgs and wraiths and oliphants but the most cruel;
The deadliest of all were the nine Nazgul

Well the Dark Lord lost his finger, and it gave him pain
He cried, "Find that which was called Isildur's Bane"
He says, "Hey Witch King Angmar this I command to you:
Kill Sam and Frodo too, (Then I'll rule with all of those...)

Mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
Some worgs and wraiths and oliphants but don't be a fool
Don't disappoint me Lord of the Nazgul

The Witch King was there to answer the call
He reached the Shire just as dusk started to fall
He sliced through the guardsmen two by two
And called out with each he slew. Hey Lord!...

I've seen mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
Some worgs and wraiths and oliphants but Lord of the Nazgul
Finally, found the Hobbits near Amon Sul

Then the Nazgul chased Frodo through the open plain
Until the Fords of Bruinen they finally came
Wading and splashing through the river cool
Oh those silly nine Nazgul. They were better than...

The mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
The Witch King cried get the ring my nazgul
Nothings going to hurt us in this oversized pool.

Well, Gandalf was there at the other side
The nazgul looked up from the rocks and they cried
And then river horses came down and sort of washed them away
That's why you'll never see a Nazgul to this very day

Nor mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
Some worgs and wraiths and oliphants but be glad you fool
You don't live in fear of the nine Nazgul.

Now you might think this is the ending to the song
But I have to tell you friends that in fact you'd be wrong
Because Nagul, well, they're magical so when the river started roarin'
They got some mounts with wings as a gift from Sauron

Over the mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
But if you're looking for the Nazgul, can't wait for more
The Witch King dies to Eowyn at the Battle Pel'nor.

by Marc Gunn, March 11, 2007

The idea for this song began three years ago at DragonCon. I went drinking with hobbits on Friday. By Sunday, I had no voice left (okay, it was actually the Con crude, but still...). Ever since then, I thought I should write a song about why you shouldn't go drinking with hobbits from Lord of the Rings. And maybe one day, I'll record a CD of hobbit drinking songs. It would be fun to do. From my CD What Color Is You Dragon?.

Don't go drinking with hobbits.
Sure you'll have a grand time all night long.
But if you're not used to drinking with hobbits,
You may not want to wake up at all.

They were thoughtful and kind when they invited me to drink,
A lone human among hobbitkind.
They bought me a half, then another and one more
And told stories of days long gone by.

The brew was strong. My glass never empty,
As if time stood still and bare.
But when I awoke the next morning
I felt like Old Smaug had been there.

You may wonder how it all happened.
Well, I'm still wondering what happened too.
I had tea, dinner, and supper.
Quite full, I thought I was through.

They insisted I come to the Flagon
And join in a toast to new friends.
But when I go there, I met more hobbit friends
And the toasts seemed never to end.

When the sun it rose the next morning,
And I lifted my head from the drool,
There were beer mugs spilled on the table
And hobbits lying next to their stools.

A young hobbit lass grinned cross the barroom
And nudged each of my new hobbit friends.
Then sometime after second breakfast
We all started drinking again.

I left Hobbiton a few days later.
My head was swollen and sore.
It felt like a dwarven anvil
After a terrible war.

I don't think I'll ever recover
From the food, the drink and the cheer.
Now I swear I'll never drink with hobbits again
At least, not till I see them next year.