No, I haven't decided. We're getting ready to release our next album, Brobdingnagian Fairy Tales which will feature our performance of Jedi Drinking Song. We started performing that song three or four years ago when we first found it. It was written by John Ryan of the Dust Rhinos, an awesome Celtic rock band from Canada.

Side note. I really wish they responded to email better because I sooo wanted them on my Secret World of Celtic Rock compilation CD. Alas, I couldn't get ahold of them.

Anyway, we're gonna release the CD soon. The big question is whether we will give away the MP3 as a free music download, or if we will save it for subscribers of our newsletter, or if we won't make it available at all.

Being the MP3 Godfathers that we are, I'm thinking it will soon be completely downloadable as a free gift. Maybe just for a limited time, but I think that's probably the way it will go cuz I'm just psycho like that.

I mean, hey, we've been giving away free music downloads for four years and built a great following in the process. The Brobdingnagian Bards have nearly 4,000 subscribers.

I love seeing the response that the "Jedi Drinking Song" gives too. It's always tres cool. I mean, what's cooler than seeing stormtroopers dancing a jig... except perhaps Darth Vader as the Dark Lord of the Dance.

I actually started a follow-up song that would include the Episode I. But now that several years have passed, I'm sure it could use some major revisions.

Alright, I'll stop blabbing for a while. Keep an ear open for the song and new CD. Slainte!

1. First, it's pronounced AWS-TUN. It doesn't matter how they say it in other places.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Austin has its own set of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.

3. All directions start with "Go down Mopac...'cause you don't want to get on I-35." No one knows for sure what 'Mopac' means.

4. Burnet Road, Braker Lane, and Lamar Blvd. have no beginning and no end.

5. It is impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a scenic drive.

6. The 8:00am rush hour is from 6:30am to 9:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 3:30p to 7:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Austin. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a burnt-orange hue. This is Longhorn Country, after all.

8. If you like being an individual, don't even think of working for Dell. You'll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town with your Dell Tag around your neck or clipped on to your belt loop. Ninety-eight percent of the people within a 200 mile radius work for Dell. When someone says "Michael Dell", Dell employees are trained to face Round Rock, hit their knees, put their face to the ground, weep, and rock back and forth.

9. Just remember that Mopac IS Loop 1; Capital of Texas Hwy IS 360; and U.S. 183 IS Research Blvd., Anderson Land, Ed Bluestein Blvd. and Old Bastrop Hwy; 2222 IS Northland Dr. or Allendale Rd. or Koenig Lane. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

10. If moisture is determined to be rain, and not sweat, all traffic must immediately come to a screeching halt; ditto for daylight savings time, a female UT student applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.

11. DO NOT attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow or SXSW (South by Southwest Music Convention). Construction on I-35 AND U.S. 183 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. Get used to it!

12. Attn: All telephone solicitors...DO NOT correct my pronunciation when I say I live in Manchaca, TX. It's pronounced MAN-shack (just like a man living in shack). Also realize that the city of Manchaca (MANshack) is in Hays and Travis Counties, and there is also a very long street in Austin named Manchaca (MANshack)! The city of Manor and Manor Rd. are pronounced 'MAY-ner'. We don't like corrections on that either. And, for God's sake, DON'T pronounce the 'E' at the end of Guadalupe. It's Gwada-LOOP and we like it that way!

13. Burnet Road is pronounced BURN-it, not Bur-NET. Koenig Lane is pronounced KAE-nig not KOE-nig. The old airport (Robert Mueller) is pronounced Robert Miller and is on Airport Boulevard. The new airport (Austin-Bergstrom) is no where near Airport Boulevard. It's in the city of Del Valle pronounced Dell Valley!

14. Keep in mind that the sloppily dressed 'hippie' in worn-out sandals and earrings is probably the latest IPO millionaire around here.

15. Stay away from the Congress Ave. bridge at sundown if you do not like the thought of being in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. (Largest Mexican Free Tail Bat Population in the US)

16. And, yes, we all know that there's a man in a teddy and a tiara on Congress Ave. It's Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do. (Surely, you have a homeless, celebrity drag queen that likes to run for Mayor where you live, too,
right?)

**And you wonder why there are so many bumper stickers that say 'Keep Austin Weird'!**

Feeling a little better with my sinus probs I got in Denver. I think the Olive Leaf Extract is helping a bunch. That, and a good night's sleep last night. I had to reschedule my Cat studio recordings that were scheduled tonight because of it. Gotta get lots o'sleep. And I haven't even unpacked from the weekend yet.

I did get to watch Star Wars: Revelations last night. If you haven't seen it, go watch it. It's a fan movie that was started three years ago and covers a wee bit o'the time between Episodes 3 and 4. For a low-budget film ($20K), the graphics are pretty damned good. Acting is a bit weak, but all in all it's a decent film.

Have you seen Jen's >BBQ Wench T-Shirts inspired by "Do Virgins Taste Better Medley"?

They were designed by Jen Clower-Brown. And cafepress deal is still going on: $10 off orders over $30. Coupon code: GRDAD05. Sale ends June 14, 2005.

Oh, I setup a new webpage specifically for the Irish Free Music Downloads featured on the Celtic MP3s Music Magazine. Stay tuned to the newsletter too. I'm hoping to feature a the Brobdingnagian Bards in the next couple weeks with a new track. Same with our band newsletter too. Great way to sample the upcoming album.

Andrew gets back on Wedsnesday from Colorado. He was checking out more of the area as a possible future bardic home. Then Thursday we'll put the final touches on the album before I head out of town for the weekend. I can't wait too! :)

Oh! Also booked a gig at Saradora's in Round Rock in June.

Slainte!

Recently, I was asked by one of a writer of mine in the Celtic MP3s Music Magazine who I would pick for the Top rising music stars who would be perfect for gaining Corporate Sponsorship.

It's never an easy question for me to pick great bands.. I thought about it for a bit and listed a few of favorite Celtic and one non-Celtic bands and included the reason why I think they're well-positioned for just that.

Heather Dale. Very Loreena McKennitt, but I like Heather's music better and it is thematic too, Arthurian-based.

Pasiley Close. They're a Celtic band out of Houston. The music is contemporary folk rock. They've done the traditional Celtic
sound, they've done the modern. Though the incarnation is new, the band has been around for a long time. Great vocals and potential for crossing musical boundaries.

Rise. Very innovative band. I'd be surprised if they don't have corporate sponsorship. They are out of Scotland. I don't think they really tour, so that's the downside. Except they come to the US touring radio stations promoting their albums.

The Light Spirts. What do you get when you have a Scotsman, an Irishman, an Australian and an Italian together playing traditional Irish music? No. It's no joke. It's a band I met in Italy. They're currently recording their first CD, but the group is amazing. Huge potential. I look forward to seeing where they'll go next.

Emerald Rose. American Celtic Folk Rock. They have a bit of a Pagan slant, which might be a downside to the Christian majority, but great fun, danceable music. With a wee bit of adjustment to their marketing they could go very far.

I have to mention two other great bands. Yes, I am in them both, but there is good reason why I think we fit too.

Brobdingnagian Bards. The MP3 Godfathers online. Our music is more folk in style, which is not generally great for corporate sponsorship, but we dominate the Celtic MP3 industry and through aggressive guerrilla marketing, find new ways to break through the clutter. Also, our song selection is not strictly Celtic so we attract a variety of music-style lovers.

The Dubliners' Tabby Cats. The "band" itself is pretty much me, but it's the song selection that is already making a huge impact. Cat lovers are very passionate about their cats. My group plays cat songs with an Irish music slant. Huge potential for corporate sponsorship from cat corporations.

That about sums up the Celtic bands I can think of offhand. The last group is

Voltaire. Ironic Goth music. He has a huge following and lots of commercial potential in the goth music scene. Great storyteller. His music and other items are currently being distributed through Hot Topic.

I'm sure there are a LOT of others, but there are the ones that I am seeing making a big impact or having the a great potential for making an impact.

Yay! I saw Episode 3. Of the Episodes 1-3, this is by far the best. It's still not nearly as good as the Episodes 4-6.

Andrew and I talked about it and I think Sudden Death said it best on his new CD, Die Laughing.

"You don't need a plot you got CGI."

Again, don't get me wrong I enjoyed it immensely. From the beginning, the movie was much better. There were a few slow parts, but acceptable. The acting was better. Hayden Christensen played his role wonderfully. No more of the whining from Ep2.

I was much more impressed with Ewan Mcgregor than in the second movie too. I remember seeing the first movie and thinking, "Holy crap! it's Obi Wan!" Then the second movie came out and he didn't even make an effort. This time, he did a great job.

The whole conversion to the Dark Side, introduction of Palpatine as Darth Sidious, all well-done and believable.

Natalie Portman looked like crap overall. For such a babe, I didn't think this movie was flattering for her at all!

The movie also answered all those loose questions as everyone said it would. It was little sloppy but acceptable.

So when I got home, I flipped on Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope because Andrew mentioned something, and I have to agree. Hmm? Interestingly, it all coincides with the movie. It's kind of ironic I guess.

Andrew mentioned two major differences. One, camera focus. Star Wars 3 has a lot more wide-angle shots showing the big picture. His comment was it takes away from the personal nature of the characters. Comparing it to Star Wars 4, I think I agree.

And on a similar note, the big picture becomes all about CGI. What kind of big, bright, exciting, busy world can we make this into. There were definitely some nice looking scenes because of it.

I think the ironic thing is that just like Anakin has a choice whether he should embrace The Dark Side of the Force to "save Padme", Lucas had a choice to use too much CGI to "save his ass". Both kinda failed in the process.

It ultimately comes down not to whether you "should" not if you "can", follow?

I mean, technology is grand. There is a LOT we CAN now do with it, but "should" we? Especially if it will detract from the ultimate goal? Boy, I'm getting really philosophical now.

I guess the way I see it is Lucas has the technology to do a lot of cool stuff, but before you go focus on CGI, decide if it is useful to the ultimate goal of a great movie. There was quite a bit of bad script writing, that was very cliche'. I still wish he would focus first on writing a great script and then add all the cool CGI stuff. This was not a good script. It wasn't horrible, just not good.

But all in all, I still greatly enjoyed the movie.


One more thing I want to point out that Lucas is guilty of--bad comic relief. I recognized it in Star Wars 4. A lot of the new scenes were filled with stupid 3 Stooges style of comedy. The visual gags. That's what Jar Jar was all about in the first movie. (side note: Jar Jar did not say a WORD! YES!!!!!) (side, side note: though I was still disappointed he wasn't gruesomely slaughtered. ;)

SW4 on the other hand was more about character comedy. How the characters interacted with one another. That's what made C3PO and others funny. Same thing happened a wee bit in Two Towers with Gimli. Pissed me off.

Okay, that's all I'll say for now. If you haven't seen the movie. It's well worth seeing despite the flaws.

And stay tuned, the Jedi Drinking Song is coming soon to a theatre near you!

Yes, I am a psycho fan for Red Dwarf. And Cafepress is too cool a website online for making your favorite Red Dwarf fan T-shirt come true.

Buy your own Give Quiche A Chance T-Shirt!

If you're not familiar with Red Dwarf, the slogan comes from Season 3, Episode 3 of Red Dwarf in a show called "Polymorph". This is one of my all-time favorite episodes. In it, a creature gets on board Red Dwarf that can polymorph into any creature. It's ultimate goal is to suck out the emotions of the creatures it meets. The creature steals Lister's fear, Kryten's guilt, Cat's vanity, and Rimmer loses his anger.

The result? Rimmer is wearing a T-Shirt that reads "Give Quiche A Chance" and is talking about starting a flyer campaign against the creature.

Rimmer: Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is "What are we going to call ourselves?" erm, and I think it comes down to a choice between `The League Against Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is `The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society'. Erm, one drawback with that -- the abbreviation is `CLITORIS'.

Oh HEY! If you do love Red Dwarf, also check out my Red Dwarf song called "The Mining Ship the Red Dwarf" which will be available on my Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers CD in October.

This morning I got a nasty email from one of the subscribers of my Celtic MP3s Music Magazine.

None of the links work. You suck!

I do my best to help Celtic music fans find music they love to hear. It's not like I'm making a profit on this friggin' ezine, yet I get arses like that who have no fucking respect for the time and effort.

That's not true. My Celtic Guestbook is filled with others who LOVE what I do. Just because one stupid b*tch is so friggin incompetant with how to use the internet, that's her problem. She can just go to hell!

Okay, unloading that helped a wee bit.

I admit, I'm not the best web promoter. I sometimes forget to give people a great deal, but I really try. I mean, spend half a day a week picking bands to feature, compiling my Irish Celtic MP3s, and then putting them into a magazine. I'm doing what I can to make this mag profitable, but honestly, there's not much profit in it. It's a labour of love. Music from Enter the Haggis, Emerald Rose, Minstrosity, Cady Finlayson, Sarah Dinan, then, there's my St Patrick's Day music downloads. I mean, hell, there's a LOT of free, quality, content. The newsletter is better than ever. I just don't need that shite.

So I'll let it go remembering that it's only one incompetant imbecile in a world of wonderful Celts. So to all who kindly accept and read my newsletter every week. Thank you!


ADDED: One great reason behind not responding is I received a nice apology for the first email explaining her sister had hacked her account. Still sucks to get viscious hate email, but at least it's followed with apologies.

I wonder if I'm even making money back? Or ever will?

So at the beginning of this year I started to offer Paid Irish Music CD Reviews through my Celtic MP3s Music Mag. The whole idea behind it was to bring more people to my website and hopefully develop a great internet income through my magazine.

Unfortunately, Google seemed to get pissed off at me for some stupid reason. My site is probably one of the top three resources for Celtic music, yet it has to fight for the Top 10 on Google. That kinda bugs me, but hey, it's life. At least my website is growing, slowly but sure.

Meanwhile, my internet income from has been miniscule at best. Hopefully, some of those I've helped, like Michelle at the Irish Music Reviews website is doing better. She, at least, is allowed to have Google ads on her website. Though with all the gaming of Google ads I've read about in the news, Google Ads might now be around for long.

Okay, I doubt that. Google has a great system going. I'm sure there are a number of free MP3 websites like Bob Baker's 72 Free Music Downloads who are probably making a killing with Google Ads.

Okay, getting side-tracked. The thing is if I had Google Ads, paying for CD reviews would probably well-worth it. As it is, at $15 a pop, I'm not so sure. I'm paying out over a hundred dollars a month, and the income thusfar, is not coming back to me.

I guess I'll keep it up for a wee bit longer. But methinks fairly soon, I'm gonna have to stop altogether, or start doing CD reviews myself.

One would think that over the long-term that Paid Celtic music reviews would be well-worth it. But I am not so convinced. How long before I start seeing a return? Come July I quit my job. Will I be able to afford to continue paying for CD reviews? I doubt it.

It's all something I need to work out. I'll keep my eyes open and just do what I can for now, and keep watching my bank account.

It's always nice to see how well received certain webpages are. My Irish Song Lyrics website is gaining a lot of attention. Course it helps when there are so many fans of Irish Songs.

Course, our Celtic Lyrics website is always a hit, even though the site is being filled with fewer and fewer Celtic songs. Hmm... I might have to start updating the site with songs that we don't play if it keeps growing. That's always a big debate. Do I make it totally Celtic or do I reflect the music that we play. That is why I created the Irish-Song-Lyrics.com website in any case. So maybe I'll just keep updating that page.

Tonight, I up to finally start adding music to my Irish Pub Songs Podcast. I plan to use this in conjunction with my Irish Songs website... and possibly with The Bards Celtic Lyrics website as well.

This will be the start of a monthly free music download of Irish Celtic Songs. It's partially inspired by Mcguinn's Folkden. For the longest time, Roger McGuinn has given away free folk music downloads as a public service. When I came across his podcast, I finally figured out how I should approach these MP3s. I've long wanted to provide an outlet for people to find and download music, but I didn't want it to take away from our CD sales. You'd think I learned by now. MP3s equal greater CD sales, but there's still a part of me that clings to the belief you shouldn't give it ALL away.

I guess an interesting test would be to even put together a book of Free MP3 Downloads using MP3s from my Free Music Downloads Blog or my Celtic MP3s Free Music Downloads.

Cool side note. I was just at the new MP3.com and saw that they list the Brobdingnagian Bards Music Download CDs except... oddly enough, they don't have A Faire To Remember, our most-popular CD listed. How odd?

Okay, where was I? Oh, putting together a book of free music downloads. I mean my Directory of Free Msuic Downloads would be perfect for building a list. Course, I also have, what, five years of Celtic MP3s listed. Sheesh! There's plenty of material for a book, but as I've already tried selling something like that I doubt it would be too popular.

Although... with the success of my Poetry book on Cafepress, maybe that'd be a cool option. The book is currently the #1 poetry book on that website. Would Celtic music lovers be interested in a book of links to free music downloads? Doesn't seem like a good market. I'd be better off creating a book of Irish Song Lyrics using lyrics on my website... Or... even better finish making that book from my Music Marketing Articles. Yeah, that'd be best.

As you can see, I'm floundering around with a million different ideas trying to create an income for when I quit my day job in July. I'm anxious to turn my music into a full-time career. God willing, I'll get there, but it won't be an easy task. At least, not until I start pulling in additional income from other products or services or websites like my Free Music Blog. So many opportunities, and yet so little time.

For now, let me stop babbling and sign up. Thanks for listening!

by Phil Hall

Artist: Van Morrison and the Chieftains
Album: "Irish Heartbeat"
Year produced: 1988

The Chieftains have collaborated musically with a wide spectrum of creative artists, ranging from James Galway to the Rolling Stones. But perhaps their finest pairing came when Van Morrison joined them for the 1988 album "Irish Heartbeat," which is my choice for the very best of the Chieftains' canon.

"Irish Heartbeat" consists of 10 songs, eight of them traditional Irish melodies which are performed with such depth and vibrancy that it is easy to assume they are all brand new. Morrison was in playful vocal form, sowing musical wild oats with the opening "Star of the County Down" and the raucous reel "I'll Tell Me Ma." The Chieftains' main vocalist Kevin Conneff does a grand vocal duel with Morrison on "Ta Mo Chleamhnas Deanta (My Match It Is Made"), with Morrison taking the English lyrics while Conneff keeps the Irish lyrics in play.

The emotionalism of Irish folk music is heard with uncommonly graceful renditions of "Carrickfergus" and "She Moved Through the Fair." Morrison's decidedly mature and raw voice gives these renditions a tinge of time-weathered poignancy and rue which is frequently absent when the songs are performed by singers of a younger and finely-trained voice.

The two new songs created for the recording, "Irish Heartbeat" and "Celtic Ray," are pleasant if not particularly stirring. But their inadequacies are easy to overlook, especially with the closing polka "Marie's Wedding," a sweeping and jolly swish of matrimonial celebration (and listen carefully for the lush back-up vocals from Mary Black, Maura O'Connell and June Boyce).


   Buy the Album: "Irish Heartbeat"

---

Celtic MP3s Music Magazine writer, Phil Hall is contributing editor for Film Threat, book editor for the New York Resident, author of "The Encyclopedia of Underground Movies" (MWP Books) and a proud child of Wales.

What a weird experience! I can only think of 2 or 3 times that my nose has really bled, but today was a gusher! It also came without warning.

I walked into the bathroom to get ready for work. All of a sudden I saw a blood drop. I thought nothing of it and grabbed a piece of toilet paper. Occasional nose bleeds are commonplace for me. I've spent too many years taking medication like Guafinex and other things for my incessant allergies, but this was different.

I noticed the blood drops growing and shoved a big piece of toilet paper up my nose. Within a minute it was drenched. That's when I knew I had a problem. So moved over to the sink. When I pulled out the toilet paper, there was this tidal wave of blood pouring out of my nose. I grabbed some more and tried again and again to wait it out. After five minutes, the sink was covered in blood. It was quite eerie looking and pretty too. I was starting to feel steady streams of blood go down my throat too.

Now I remember as kid getting lessons on how to stop a nose bleed. One, method was leaning your head back. But I later learned that was wrong. The second method was to press your finger in the location where you often sneeze. I did that most of the time that I was gushing. So obviously that didn't help. Course, there was also the tissue paper which obviously wasn't helping.

So I shoved up a huge wad of paper, washed my hands and headed over to the computer. I typed in my title and got this page on nose bleeds. Unfortunately, by the time I got there, my toilet paper was saturated. I quickly read something about pressure pointing at the "tip of the nose". I went back to the sink and tried that. It didn't help!

However, it did say lean forward and wait it out. Oh! And it mentioned ice packing the bridge of the nose. Twenty minutes later it began to slow at last. Meanwhile, I passed the time icing and cleaning up the puddles of blood.

What caused my nose bleed?

This same situation has happened before. For me, it had to do with caffeine. I drank an espresso for breakfast to wake me up. I'm guessing that got my blood pumping a wee bit faster which was one of the reasons for the gushing.

I don't think that was the only reason though. I also took a Tylenol to manage some shoulder pain. Upon reading the Family Doctor page, asprin stops blood clotting. So I believe that the Tylenol combined with the caffeine got my blood pumping and NOT clotting.

How to Stop a Nose Bleed

After the blood slowed down enough, I went back to the Family Doctor site and figured out my errors. So here's what I will do in the future.

1. To quote Hitcherhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, "Don't Panic!"
2. Lean forward with you head above your heart
3. Pinch the main part of the nose. (see a picture)
4. Add an ice pack to the bridge of the nose.
5. Try to relax (again, "Don't panic") and patiently wait five, ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes until it finally stops bleeding.

I must admit this an extra freaky experience for me. Hopefully, I'll remember better how to stop a nose bleed next time it happens. Especially since I wrote about it. :)

Good luck and Happy Bleeding!