1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -
   He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -
   He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
   He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" -
   He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -
   He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -
   He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -
   He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" -
   He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -
   He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" -
    He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
    It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."